I planned on going to school this term. I decided this while I was in Europe. I knew I would never be happy to just go home and bum around like I had been (and by bum around I really mean run around like crazy trying to clean up the house). I thought school was the solution. So I signed up for classes and put in for financial aid, a royal pain. Finally, when everything was almost set, I started to doubt. Then the doubt turned to worry. I wanted to do the right thing, and I was getting a migraine trying to think about what exactly that was.
Finally I forced myself to do a pros and cons chart, just because I was spinning my wheels and it would feel good to actually do something. I didn't get halfway done before I realized why I had headache. I was trying so hard to reconcile my earlier decision to go to school with doing what was best. As I looked at my list, I decided it wasn't worth going. Not that school isn't wonderful, it just wont work right not. Suddenly all of the tension I had been feeling washed away. I realized that while the pros for school on my list were vitally important, I could achieve those through other means without going to school and dealing with the cons. I don't really want to get a slip of paper, I want to get educated, and school was going to be torture. Jeff pointed out that supposedly I was doing this for my enjoyment, so why was I doing it if I was stressed.
I realize part of the reason I didn't want to stay home is because I didn't want to look like a flake. I had already said that I was going to do it. I thought no one would take me seriously the next time I say I am going to do something. I realized that even that, if it is true, is not worth sacrificing the right choice. So just like that, I am pulling out, just when it finally seemed to be working. I am relieved.
5 comments:
But there's lots of things you can do to get educated. An Institute class, on-line classes, Enrichment classes in RS. I think you'll find lots to do. You can finish school later.
Yeah, OSU is very degree oriented. They are looking to push you through and get you into an occupation. I am more interested in things like language, gardening, and animal care than sticking to a major and working feverishly to complete it. Learning should be fun. Learning also cannot, as much as they like to pretend, be contained and restricted to within the walls of the college. In my opinion that is often the most artificial learning. I like hands on and mentors more.
I agree, there are many ways to gain an education. Unfortunately, it seems now days it's all about that little piece of paper and how much money one can make.
If you are interested, we have The Teaching Company DVD's that you can borrow. Those are a great way to learn without the headache of writing papers and taking tests. We really enjoyed the one on the Odyssey and now we are listening to lectures about the Aeneid. I'll send you a list of the courses we own.
I know it can be hard at this stage of life (mom of a little one) to feel like you have enough time to do it. I wish I had acted on this piece of advice. "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."
I think you did the right thing. Now is the time to be a mother. And I think that experence (sorry, too lazy to pull out the dictionary next to me) is more important than knowledge. Anyway, you will always be the only smarter sister than me.
I am very interested. I am loving the one on the brain right now.
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