Yesterday we (mostly Jeff) helped Cory and Heather move from their apartment in South Corvallis. They are trying to get a house, but in the interim they will be living with his parents.
Today, Jeff is at school...again. Well, I can't complain, because at least he is taking school seriously and in stride. I can't pretend not to miss him though, or think that school should at least be limited to the work week instead of growing like some monster from a horror film to engulf every waking moment. I can tell it is wearing on him a little, not because he can't hack the work, but because when we signed up, we somehow got it in our heads that since school is Monday through Thursday, that would give him Friday for group meetings and Saturday for a break. It is the failed expectation that really drags. So he cleaned the kitchen this morning, while we watched the vice pres debate online, and then he took off for school.
Since then, I have gone on a walk. I ran into a garage sale, and had to walk all the way back to the house to get my wallet so that I could get some things I have been looking for. I am rather proud of myself. I got a very pretty wooden paper towel holder and two matching bowls with blue and purple star decorations to replace the cat dish we have now that I hate. I also got a little candle holder that I found interesting. I paid five dollars, because haggling is not a skill in my arsenal, and went directly home to put the objects in place. I plan to get up and go get rid of as many things as I just brought in to balance it out.
More importantly though, I wanted to announce that I am starting a separate blog devoted to being a good homemaker, mother and wife. I wanted it to be separate from this one so that those topics will be together, and people who don't care to read it wont have to. The address is <>. If anyone else wants to author posts on the subject I would consider it. It is about being the best woman you can be, perhaps idealizing "Molly Mormon" and the "We Can Do It" Lady, without losing your sanity or getting overwhelmed and giving up. Heather lent me a book that really inspired me while I was over watching them pack. I have only read a little bit into it, but I can tell that it will be a powerful book. It is about accepting your efforts as being good. Perhaps I should quote my favorite points so far: (from Believe in What you're doing; Believe in who you are, by Hilary Weeks)
"Don't worry about what others think of you. Worry about what they think of themselves when they are with you." p.19
"And on the days when you wonder if you'll ever be enough, remember: He believes in who you are becoming. He believes in who you are." p.5
Reading even this small amount of this tiny book has really set me to thinking. Many times, I have set myself on a path and then questioned and doubted until I quit. I know that one of my many faults is caring too much about what other people think. I often let it get in the way of what I really want to do. We almost let that mentality stop us from going to Europe. We knew that everyone would think we were insanely foolish and financially irresponsible. I am so glad I did not let my internal demons and worries talk me out of it. I think it was mostly through Jeff's encouragement and belief in a dream that I had had long before we had married that pulled us through to the completion. Jeff often recites a quote that has also touched me: (paraphrasing, obviously) "Our greatest fear is not that we will fail, but that we will succeed beyond our wildest dreams." That quote has really meant a lot to me. We didn't dare to hope that we could travel to Europe before the age of fifty. We laughed at the thought that Jeff would go to a well respected business and law school on a large scholarship. We kept right on laughing about the funny joke until we realized that it was real and it was in our hands. I truly hope that we can keep that same spirit and keep reaching for the stars. They aren't as far away as one might think. We will probably keep most of our ambitions to ourselves. I still haven't gotten over the fear of other people's opinions, so I keep my dreams well hid from public scrutiny. I do know in the quiet moments of the night, on days when nothing in particular may have gone right, that we are still amazing people going amazing places. I am not sure where yet, and I know that there will be times when I will still doubt, but I am looking forward to what I can do.
